Archive for January 2004

Closing My Red Light

January 8, 2004

CLOSING MY RED LIGHT

Two huge and overriding concerns in my life: Sex and Money.
True, sex is is more like an all consuming obsession and money is more a dark chunk of toxic worry clouding over everything else. Not that I’m singling myself out for sympathy. Its a part of life in the twenty first century to be always shadowed by these two towering behemoths. I WANT to be creative. I WANT to contribute something to the world, but I worry that I want sex and money MORE.

Now, I’m not a greedy person and I’m hardly a hussy by nearly any standard outside the world of religious fundamentalism. Most of the time I undervalue my work as a designer (even clients tell me this), and I probably undervalue myself as a sexualist as well. I have separate fantasies for reliving theses two hungers. It has never occurred to me to let sex creep into my dreams of wealth, and money never enters my fantasies of the other sort. I want (quite desperately at times) more of both in my life.

As if to answer prayers I never utter, there seems to be a Force afoot to recombine sex and money into my life and, most intriguing of all, to lay they them both at my feet at once.
“Relieve him of his burdening debt and sexual loneliness!” The Force utters into a well- heeled ear.The next thing I know I’m being offered money for sex. Me! Hairy, nearly-forty year old me! The other night was the forth time in less than as many months that I’ve been offered money in exchange for sex on line.What’s going on? I thought one of the reasons I was alone and husband-less was because I wasn’t as pretty as the other boys.; because I’m too old or too fat or too hairy. But, some people like me (or my pictures) enough to offer money for my… sex.

Actually, one of my Johns was a Jane. An older woman who came onto Gay.com looking to part with cash for an escort. I would have to first escort her to an in-public event, so I would need to be polite and well spoken. Hmmm. I could do that. I could wear my best suit and charm the skirts of the old doll’s jealous friends. But wait! There would be sex! and I’m GAY!

I’ve asked around and none of my online peers have been presented with similar offers so it appears I may have been singled out. It could be an elaborate hoax – but I grow paranoid too easily. A cosmic little pull of my leg, I guess. My sex and money problems solved by a pale imitation of good sex being sold for dirty money.

I have no qualms about prostitution. It should be legalized and cleaned up once and for all. But I’ve never paid for sex and I’ ve never, EVER considered selling my body. I’m a little surprised by my friends though. When told of my recent indecent propositions, the first thing out of each of my confidant’s mouth is
” Well, for how much?”