Archive for March 2006

Continue Driving Safely

March 29, 2006

( From queerconstructionii – Sept/04)

Bring hand to face.
Wave hand near face, but not so that anyone would notice.
Do NOT start scratching beard.
Beard SEEMS to be itchy.
Scartch beard quickly like your dog might do.
DO NOT REPEAT SCRATCHING.
Even one repitition of scratching means you're stuck in a loop of scratching. If you repeat scratching you will continue until skin is raw.
Move hand to below dashboard where it can't be seen.
Continue driving safely.
Allow right hand to dance around as it pleases. No one can see it and you are driving safely.
Allow legs (but not feet – they are driving you safely) to jiggle in time with the dance of the hands.
Stop safely at intersection.
Allow head to turn and flop around under the guise of checking for pedestrians.
Begin driving again.
Stop head from lolling about while car is in motion.
Try to get hand dancing to take energy away from head.
Allow occasional quick movements of head.
Continue to drive safely.
Allow body to move about in quick inconspicuous movements.
Stop moving head. It is too obvious. It interferes with driving safely.
Wave hand near face, but not so that anyone would notice.
This will calm head.
Continue to drive safely.
Scratch beard quickly like your dog might do.
Head stops jerking about.
Body stops moving.
Continue to scratch beard.
Continue to drive safely.
Stop at intersection.
Scratch beard. Do not hide scratching. It merely appears that you have an itchy beard.
Maintain calm in body and head.
Continue to drive safely through intersection.
Continue to scratch beard.
Continue to drive safely.

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